A Japanese woman has described the videos she viewed as a young child as “incest videos” and said they are damaging to her and others.
The mother, who is not being identified by her family, said she was watching porn videos in 2010 when she realised the images were inappropriate.
The video showed her being abused by a father and her mother being forced to watch.
She said the videos have “destroyed” her relationships with her family and other friends.
“I’m ashamed of what I saw and it was horrible,” she said.
“But at the same time I don’t know if I can change it.”
It was very traumatic and I was ashamed of myself.”‘
The worst thing I have ever done’After watching the videos, the mother said she “felt like crying” and “was just not allowed to say anything” about what was happening.”
At first I was very angry, and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, but then I started thinking about it more and realised that I wasn’t allowed to talk about it because of the feelings I was feeling,” she told CNN.”
And it was just horrible.
“After the videos I was really hurt and felt like crying, and the worst thing that I have done was to watch them and I feel really ashamed of that.”
The mother said it was hard for her to accept that she had been sexually abused by her own mother.
“For me, it was the worst experience I have experienced in my life,” she added.
The videos were recorded in 2009 and 2010, and involved the mother and the father, the child’s father and another man.
The two women watched the videos together for about three years, until the father’s death.
“The videos and the relationship between them were just completely different from the way I felt when I was a child,” the mother told CNN, “and I was shocked to see it in person.”
The woman said she had no regrets about the videos and that she “never cried, never had any kind of breakdown or anything like that”.
She said she has always “been very sensitive about it”, and said she hopes the videos will encourage others to be more sensitive about what they watch and share.
“This is a problem that’s been going on for so long, but I’m just so happy that it’s finally being talked about,” she explained.
“Because it’s so normal.”‘
I don’t feel ashamed of it anymore’The mother told news.com.au she “wasn’t able to go to a therapist” because of her abuse, and that it had “destroy[ed] the relationships I have with my family”.
She also said she would be “shocked” to hear about another video that she was still watching.
“My heart just broke, I feel ashamed for myself, I don://t feel ashamed anymore,” she admitted.
The woman, who lives in Tokyo, said the abuse had caused her to “feel ashamed” of her own sexuality, which has contributed to her depression.
“In Japan, when a mother is abusing her child, that’s a big issue, and it’s the biggest problem of all,” she recalled.
“What’s happening in Japan is very difficult and the problem is that there are so many different ways to abuse children and how to abuse them.”
She said while the videos were “very inappropriate”, it had helped her “accept” that she and others may have felt “traumatised” by them.
“Some people don’t want anyone to think about the trauma they’re experiencing,” she continued.
“Some people think it’s fine because they’re so normal, and some people think, ‘I don, I’m not normal’.”